The Sancho And Juicehead666 Random Chat Thread!

Well, if crime fighters fight crime and fire fighters fight fire, what do freedom fighters fight? They never mention that part to us, do they?

 

Honesty may be the best policy, but it's important to remember that apparently, by elimination, dishonesty is the second-best policy.

 

I recently went to a new doctor and noticed he was located in something called the Professional Building. I felt better right away.

 

Why is the man (or woman) who invests all your money called a broker?

 

I'm completely in favor of the separation of Church and State. My idea is that these two institutions screw us up enough on their own, so both of them together is certain death.

 

There's no present. There's only the immediate future and the recent past.

 

At a formal dinner party, the person nearest death should always be seated closest to the bathroom.

 

As a matter of principle, I never attend the first annual anything.

 

The very existence of flame-throwers proves that some time, somewhere, someone said to themselves, You know, I want to set those people over there on fire, but I'm just not close enough to get the job done.

 

Death is caused by swallowing small amounts of saliva over a long period of time.

 

Think of how stupid the average person is, and realize half of them are stupider than that.

 

I think it's the duty of the comedian to find out where the line is drawn and cross it deliberately.

 

The only good thing ever to come out of religion was the music.

 

Religion convinced the world that there's an invisible man in the sky who watches everything you do. And there's 10 things he doesn't want you to do or else you'll go to a burning place with a lake of fire until the end of eternity. But he loves you! ...And he needs money! He's all powerful, but he can't handle money!

 

This is a lttle prayer dedicated to the separation of church and state. I guess if they are going to force those kids to pray in schools they might as well have a nice prayer like this: Our Father who art in heaven, and to the republic for which it stands, thy kingdom come, one nation indivisible as in heaven, give us this day as we forgive those who so proudly we hail. Crown thy good into temptation but deliver us from the twilight's last gleaming. Amen and Awomen.

 

Why is the alphabet in that order? Is it because of that song?

 

Why are hemorrhoids called "hemorrhoids" instead of "assteroids"?

 

Don't sweat the petty things and don't pet the sweaty things.

 

Is it true that cannibals don't eat clowns because they taste funny?

 

If one synchronized swimmer drowns, do the rest drown, too?