The Attention Deficit Disorder Thread

Okay.

 

Long time since I came here.

 

*Santa is in his office reading Christmas letters*


Letter : Dear Santa, I want a new bike for Christmas. I have been a very very very good boy, I did all my homework and all my chores all year around. Can I please have a new bike. Signed Timmy.


Santa : You shall have it little Timmy. Merry Christmas!


*He pushes Timmy's letter down the approved slot in his desk*


Next Letter : Dear Santa, I've had a rough year and I really need something to make me feel better. Can you send me Ben Afflect. Thanks. Signed Banky Swims.


Santa : A..a....a.......Hm.


*Santa checks his list*


Santa : I see here that he has had a hard year, and he has been somewhat good....I will see that he gets what he wants. Merry Christmas!


*Santa sends Banky's letter through the approved slot*



_____________________________________________________________________________


*In Santa's Workshop elves are busy making gifts. There is a manager who collects and reads out the requests as the come in*


Manager Elf *reading *: Okay we need 1 Ben Affleck....wait what...what the fuck is this shit. Ben Affleck?? How the fuck am I supposed to make Ben Affleck.


Elf : What do we do?


Manager Elf : What do you mean what do you do? Go fucking make it....now!!! now!!


*the elves run to make Ben Affleck*


*10 minutes later the elves have made a Ben Affleck with their elf magic*


*The manager elf compares what they have made to a picture*


Manager Elf : The real 1 looks more muscular, but this will do.


Manager Elf *to Ben Affleck* : Who are you?


Ben Affleck : I...be....Batmaaan.


Manager Elf : No. You are Ben Affleck. Say you're Ben Affleck.


Ben Affleck : Be....good...will...hunting.


Manager Elf : This is not going to work. Go get me the real thing.


Elf : But...but....how do we do that??


Manager Elf : I don't care! Just do it!!!


________________________________________________________________________________________________________


*Ben Affleck is walking down a street drinking a Starbucks coffee and checking his iPhone. Suddenly a gang of elves runs out from behind the bushes and hits him on the head with a giant candycane.*


Elf #1 : Hurry!!!


Elf # 2 : Did we kill him?


Elf #3 : I don't think so.


Elf #1 : Hurry!!! Hurry!!


*they push him into a large red sack and run off with him*


_____________________________________________________________________________________

*Christmas eve. The elves are loading up Santa's slay with gifts. There is a Ben Affleck shaped gift amoung them*

*Santa comes out and gets in his slay*

Santa : Merry Chritmas!!

*He flies off*


Master Elf *to the other elves* : Okay now you get a 15 minute break and them we start with next year's gifts.

Elf : Can't we get more?

Master Elf : No, there are tons gifts to be made. Don't blame me, blame the people of India and China who keep reproducing.


_________________________________________________________________________________________________________


*Santa arrives at Anja's house*


Santa *excited* : Milk and cookies!! milk and cookies!!!


*He hunts around, only to come face to face with a plastic reindeer head glowing on the wall*


Santa *cringe* : Why can't people have taste.


Santa : Ah...I see my milk and..wait...what has happened here??



*he sees that the milk has been drunk and the have been cookies nibbled*




From the corner : Meow.


From the sofa : Meow.


From the other room : Meow.



Santa : 3?? I don't remember 3.


From somewhere : Meow


Santa : Oh God. Well let's just get this over with and move on.


*Santa rummages around in his bag for Anja's gifts.*



Santa : What do we have here. Cat toy, cat toy, cat blanket, premium cat food, cat toy, scratching post, and, cat toy. Merry Christmas!!


*Santa is about to leave but he turns back and pulls out a pamphlet from his pocket. He leaves the pamphlet on top of the gifts. The pamphlet reads : Furballs, Kitty Littler And Scratched Furniture : The Signs And Symptoms of A Cat Lady. Get Help Now, It's Not Too Late.*


_________________________________________________________________________________________________________

*Santa arries at Bama's house*

*Santa finds a bottle of beer and a plate of BBW chicken left out for him*

Santa : When in Rome....

*Santa leaves behind gifts for Bama and his famiy*

Santa : Merry Christmas!!!

________________________________________________________________________________________________________

*Santa arries at Jeff's house*

*To his surprise he finds Jeff lounging in the living room with a bottle of Sailor Jerry.*

Santa : You aren't supposed to be up.

Jeff : I'm not supposed to do a lot of things, but I still do them. Sit down, take a load off. Have some Sailor Jerry.

Santa : No, no, thanks though.

Jeff : Don't be silly, common I'll pour you a glass.

*Jeff pours Santa a glass*

Santa : Okay, maybe just a little.

*time passes*

Santa *drunk* : You know Jack Tripper? Why didn't you tell me? That guy is so weird!

Jeff *drunk* : Trust me I know. At least you don't have to deal with him on a daily bases.

Santa *drunk* : I don't think I'd want to. Do you know what he asked me for when he was 12. A subscription to Playgirl. Now I'm not 1 to judge but...

Jeff *drunk* : On I know what you mean. And then when you ask him about it he'll totally deny it.

*they laugh*

*time passes*

Santa *very drunk* : So then Putin says....I want to rule the world...and I say I can't do that..I mean I make get you a new suit or polar bear skin or something, but I can' give you the world. Common. Bush was much better, all he ever asked for were gummy bears and shot guns.

*times passes*

Jeff *drunk* : So does the Santa thing help you get laid?

Santa *very drunk* : No...no....well sometimes.

*times passes*

Jeff *drunk* : Is there something moving in your bag?

Santa *very drunk* : It's probably Bed Affleck. Hahahahaha

*they laugh*

*time passes*

Santa *totally drunk* : Oka oka.....I eally hould be goin....yah...

*Santa gets up and stumbles around*

Santa *totally drunk* : Mary Crastmas...

*Santa trips over the sofa and passes out*

________________________________________________________________________________________________________

*It's morning*

*Banky Swims runs down the stairs to his Christmas tree and to his surprise, finds nothing there*

Banky Swims : WHERE IS MY BEN AFFLECK????????

___________________________________________________________________________________

*Insome is sitting in a dark room next to a dusty Christmas tree with a bottle of Jack Daniels*

*Insome plucks a Santa ornament from the tree*

Insome *speaking to the ornament* : I waited for you. But you never came.

*Insome crushes the ornament in his hand.

Insome : There will be Hell to pay.

 

Thanks.

Merry Christmas Madam.

 

Bama wishes you a Merry Christmas!

 

Text Letter : Dear Santa, I've had a rough year and I really need something to make me feel better. Can you send me Ben Afflect. Thanks. Signed Banky Swims.

... has to be Spiderswims !

 

Tell Bama i said ... Hej !

 

Told him.

 

Yup.

 

:shhh:

 

[video=youtube;YtiyF0ruY_c]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YtiyF0ruY_c[/video]

 

Don't post your rap shit here.

 

[video=youtube;x-BEjNimas4]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=x-BEjNimas4[/video]

 

:comp2: