MegaStar's Top 5 Hotties of 2005

MegaStar.co.ok's top 5 hotties of this year:


1. Jessica Alba

March 2 - Alba's nude awakening

Big and small screen sizzler Jessica Alba has turned to booty-brandishing Beyonce for inspiration, in how to deal with flashing the flesh on film. Gorgeous Alba shapes up saucily as a stripper in the movie version of comic Sin City. But like the trouper she is, the foxy Dark Angel and Honey actress is prepared to go with the flow, after clocking Beyonce's raunchy Baby Boy time and again on the box.

"I am - practically - naked in every movie I do," Alba simpered to gossip-hounds. "It's horrible. But I always get inspired by other actresses who embrace their curves.

Warming to theme - as are we - she added: "I was so nervous during Sin City because I play a stripper.

"I wore chaps and little underwear. My butt cheeks were hanging out! It was so embarrassing."

July 13 - Jessica's Fantastic Phwoar

"At school I had buck teeth, pigeon toes and wore an oxygen mask."

Not a snippet from the autobiography of Ken Dodd, serialised by the Daily Telegraph. No, it's the words of someone even more attractive - if that were possible. The bizarre utterance emanates from the rose-bud quiver-lips of babe-tastic, catsuit-clad foxtrel Jessica Alba, who's never been near Knotty Ash in her whole glam-caked life. Nor has she ever handled a tickling stick - well, not in the public domain, anyway, according to our (detailed) research.

Screen hottie Alba 'fesses to schooldays misery (re: the above) in her pre-Fantastic Four chinwag with the fusty rag, which charts her rise from child star through to TV's Dark Angel, the big screen's Honey, Sin City and soon-to-be-released Into The Blue - which promisingly appears to involve the beauty and a wetsuit.

Described as a canny old hand - at a mere 24 - in the fame game, the Telegraph says Alba's shifting into a position where she can pick and choose what route she wishes to take on the way to "fully-fledged stardom".

She poses for awaiting snappers on her way out of the interview, we're told, immediately removing a shawl she'd been wearing to reveal a low-cut top, adding knowingly that "beauty and body sell magazines".


2. Mariah Carey

December 5 - Mariah's suite fantasy

The hotel staff of London may no longer have to quake in their boots at the news that the infamously demanding diva, Mariah Carey is checking in. A showbiz birdie tells us the large-lunged lovely is planning to splash out on her own hotel in the capital.

July 6 - Joss stones Mariah

More celeb fall-out from the Live 8 concert. Barefoot soully Devon teenager Joss Stone has taken a verbal brickbat to our dear, understated, unpretentious and gorgeous, Mariah Carey.OK, that's not exactly true; Mariah is overstated, pretentious and not gorgeous. But our Joss reckons artists should not have performed their new singles at Live 8 because it shouldn't have been for personal gain.

She told BBC Radio 2: "I didn't want to sing my single because that's really lame and pathetic and stupid and not what it's all about."

So back to Mariah, then.

Not only did the loony-boobed diva have a multitude of African kiddies on stage, but she performed her latest song, 'We Belong Together', at Live 8, and told the audience of several hundred million, that it was her new single.

Ouch.


3. Jessica Simpson

July 21 - Simpson is X-rated

We'd never thought of melon-chested cheese-brain Jessica Simpson as Dame Judi Dench in a Wonderbra. But perhaps we'd better think again.Or maybe not. Don't hold that thought. That ohmigoshing Newlyweds airhead Simpson is bagging film role after film role meeting each new part with the same thousand-yard grin of a toddler spotting the animatronic Christmas toy display in the window of Hamleys.


After bagging the beatified hotpants of Daisy Duke ahead of Britney Spears in the film of the Dukes Of Hazzard, Jess was pencilled in to, ahem, sex things up as love interest to craggy Pierce Brosnan in the next Bond movie. And if that wasn't challenging enough for the human Barbie, how about this?

Australia's news.com guffaws that supremely-stacked Simpo is now "taking on the challenging one-scene-wonder role of mutant superhero Dazzler alongside Hugh Jackman's Wolverine" in the third big-screen instalment of the popular-but-bleeding-loud X-Men films.

Yes, Hugh Jackman. Proper actor type and that.

As ever, we bet old uberboobs is just, like, soooo excited!

January 6 - Jessica ring hell

Poor blondey brain-ache Jessica Simpson - the poor thing's had trouble with her ring. A monster of the diamond variety. Turning up the full-beam gob-grin to 11 for her appearance as a guest at the American Music Awards in LA, the melon-chested airhead's smile soon disappeared when she realised the rock had gone walkies. A Stateside gossip-hound at the New York Post explained: "She stopped the car, her people took it apart, then they went back to her trailer...and took that apart."

Get her, eh. She's got "people" and a "trailer".

As panic rose, the future big-screen Daisy Duke's chisel-jawed hubby Nick Lachey rang "their housekeeper to see if Jessica left it at home by the sink, but no-one could find it.

"It wasn't a borrowed ring, either."

Wow, a "housekeeper", too.

The glitzy pair didn't miss that night's glitzy showbiz party, though, according to the NYP. So everything's all right, then.


4. Keira Knightley

October 10 - Keira's rude and nude

When you think of Keira Knightley, no doubt thoughts of corrupting the perfect-vowelled posh totty cross your mind. However, the gazelle-legged bodice-fancier reckons she has no need for a bit of rough - because she is one herself.

Nope, don't worry this isn't yet another 'I'm so ugly, I can't cope' story.

According to the Pirates Of the Caribbean twinkler she loves a bit of filthy talk.

"Bo****ks is my favourite curse word, and t**s," the how-now-brown-cow specialist told the New York Post.

"I'm not a purist," she babbled. "I'm OK with nudity or sex in a film, as long as it's done well."

So says the girl who insisted on a butt double for the film, Domino.

"Oh and c**t is a good one, too," she added.

Yeah, yeah all right, lovey. Using the language of the aristocratic missy herself - the lady doth protest too much. Don'tcha think?

April 20 - Keira's a bit nippy

All the red-top rags are running snaps of Brit movie babe Keira Knightley. She's been out house-hunting in central London, with boyfriend Jamie in tow.
Nothing exciting about that, you'd think. But the lanky lovely was clearly feeling the cold, wearing only a thin top and cardie.

Taking a break from filming the Pirates of the Caribbean sequel, she could be seen wandering the streets of Marylebone with what can only be described as a couple of bullets hidden down her top. The paps love a good nipple shot and flat-chested Keira more than made up for what she lacks in the actual rack department with a dazzling display of peanut-smuggling.

The rake-like lollipop head was wearing a turban-style headscarf which only served to make her head look bigger and the rest of her look even smaller. The headlines were predictably pun-tastic, with such gems as, "Keira points the way" and "Kold Keira", not to mention "Keira's out to make a chillin'".

But haven't they missed one? How about "Keira nips to the shops"?


5. Angelina Jolie

May 26 - Brad's Jolie good

Big-lipped husband-poacher Angelina Jolie has spoken for the first time about working with Brad Pitt on the set of Mr & Mrs Smith. The pouting madam was of course careful not to spill any details about her alleged steamy affair with ex-Mr Jennifer Aniston, but she did talk him up a storm.

"We became very aggressive and competitive on set," she purred. Well if the noises coming from their African holiday hut are anything to go by, we can well believe them.

"I didn't really know what to expect in meeting him," she said. "But he's extremely down to earth, goofy, funny and good," she added.

So she likes him, then. Ever since photos of the pair with Angelina's adopted son Maddox appeared in the papers, they looked to be officially a couple. But stories have been surfacing this week of Ange spending a lot of time with her first husband Jonny Lee Miller, sparking rumours that they are on again. She did once admit that divorcing him was the biggest mistake of her life.

Make your mind up, love. We think she's suffering from a touch of the old kid-in-a-sweetshop syndrome. When you look like a goddess and can have pretty much any man you want, how do you choose which one?

September 22 - Jolie nice time

Team Jolie is on holiday.

The Pitt and Jolies (Angelina and her brood of adopted kids) are reportedly heading for a sun and sea break in Dubai, fuelling further gossip-mongers to speculate about this A-lister relationship. And being loaded, beautiful and famous, they simply have to stay in the world's only seven-star hotel, the £7,000-a-night Royal Suite at the Burj al-Arab hotel.

And in what can only be described as a shock revelation, the pair have been spotted by newspaper sleuths enjoying food in a restaurant, swimming in a pool and even taking beauty treatments in the hotel's spa. There are even reports Brad, Angelina, and four-year-old Maddox and newly-adopted Zhara Marley have been spotted playing and relaxing in the sun.

 

I don't have a problem with the other 4, but no way does Mariah Carey belong on a Top 5 list of hotties.

 

I agree.

 

Where is scarlett johanson?

 

Alba doesn't deserve a top 5 spot since she refused to get naked in Sin City. She's a stripper who doesn't strip. That's a bigger crime than tax fraud.

 

Mariah Carey Sure