The Attention Deficit Disorder Thread

Copypasta. Has sort of an industrial taste to it. Like cold chicken McNuggets.

 

A man goes hunting for deer, tracks, shoots and kills one. That night he took it home, cooked it and served it for dinner. His children ask him what it is. He replies, "I'll give you a clue. It's what mummy sometimes calls daddy."
"Dont eat it!" screams the little girl, "It's a fucking arsehole!"

 

"You know that your landing gear is up and locked when it takes full power to taxi to the terminal."

 

"If something hasn't broken on your helicopter, it's about to."

 

"There is no reason to fly through a thunderstorm in peacetime." - Sign over squadron ops desk at Davis-Monthan Air Force Base, Arizona, 1970

 

"Though I Fly Through the Valley of Death ... I Shall Fear No Evil. For I am at 80,000 Feet and Climbing." - At the entrance to the old SR-71 Blackbird operating base, Kadena, Japan.

 

`Never tell the Platoon Sergeant you have nothing to do.` - Unknown Marine Recruit.

 

Wow, logging in to see 19 VMs waiting for me! That's a first.

 

"You, you, and you ... Panic. The rest of you, come with me." - U.S. Marine Corp Gunnery Sgt.

 

Did they make you titter? :wink:

 

boobies!!

 

"Cluster bombing from B-52s are very, very accurate. The bombs are guaranteed to always hit the ground." - USAF Ammo Troop.

 

A man and a woman were driving down the road arguing about his deplorable infidelity. Suddenly, the woman reaches over and slices the man's penis off. Angrily, she tosses it out the car window.

Driving behind the couple is a man and his 9 year old daughter. The little girl is just chatting away at her father when, all of a sudden, the penis smacks the pickup on the windshield, sticks for a moment, then flies off.

Surprised, the daughter asks her father, "Daddy, what the heck was that?"

Not wanting to expose his young daughter to anything sexual at such a young age, the father replies, "It was only a bug, honey."

The daughter sits with a confused look on her face, and after a few minutes she says, "Sure had a big dick, didn't it?"

 

Scribe!
How are you hon?

 

After Linda's death, Paul McCartney called the children in and said "I've got some good news and some bad news. The bad news is that your mother's dead".
"Whats the good news?" they sobbed.
"This Sunday we're having roast pork."

 

I'm all good darlin'.

How are you? Hope you had a good day.

 

Then my work here is done. :mrgreen:

 

A broke blonde decides to ask God for help. "Dear Lord," she prays, "if I don't get some cash, I'm gonna lose everything. Please let me win the lottery."
Lottery night comes, but the blonde doesn't win. She prays even harder, saying, "God, why have you forsaken me? My children are starving. Please just let me win this once."
Suddenly there is a blinding flash of light, and the blonde hears God speak.
"Sweetheart, work with me on this," he says. "You need to buy a fucking ticket."

 

A cop is patrolling Lover's Lane when he sees the strangest thing. A young teenage couple is sitting in a car, the guy in the front and the girl in the back. The guy is reading a magazine and the girl appears to be knitting.
He stops the patrol car and walks over to knock on the young man's window. He rolls the window down.
"Yes officer?"
"I have to ask you, what are you doing?"
"Well sir, I am reading a magazine."
"What about the young lady in the backseat?"
The young man turns to look behind him. "Well, I think she is knitting a pullover sweater."
"How old are you, young man?" the officer asks.
"I am 22, Officer."
"And the girl?"
The young man looks at his watch. "Well, she'll be 18 in 11 minutes."